Columns published in the Cleveland Scene
By Erin O'Brien
*
* *
Goodbye Guido, Hello Clevo
Hey MTV, have we got a show for you.
Published February 3, 2010
Spuddy!
Potato pancakes for your drunk friends.
Published June 24, 2009
Mow Right Woman, Mow Right Man
Push it real good.
Published June 3, 2009
A Conservative Eulogy
For the right wing, it's mourning in America.
Published May 6, 2009
A Hard Cell
What's the texting abbreviation for 'I don't get
cell phones'?
Published April 8, 2009
There's No Whining in Cleveland
Surviving the Great Recession is all about
attitude. And wine by the jug.
Published March 11, 2009
Model Citizen
Dress-up for big girls.
Published February 11, 2009
Rules That Matter
Call them New Year's resolutions if you like; just
vow to live by 'em.
Published December 31, 2008
Car Talk
You never heard of rainar?
Published December 10, 2008
The Calling
Obama is my candidate because he follows his heart.
Published October 22, 2008
Letter: published November
5, 2008.
Uncommon Sense
Suggestions for the next President of the United
States.
Published September 24, 2008
Letter: published October
1, 2008.
The Conception of Slavery
Sarah Palin does not believe in the power of women,
but in power over women.
Published September 10, 2008
Letters: published September
17, 2008 and October
1, 2008.
The Reluctant Mousketeer
Ambivalence over visiting the Happiest Place on
Earth.
Published August 20, 2008
A God Among Men
Cleveland's Thinker endures.
Published July 30, 2008
Letters: published August
13, 2008.
*
* *
Columns published in the
Cleveland Free Times
By Erin O'Brien September 2006 - July 2008
For electronic copies of any of these stories or
letters, contact Erin O'Brien directly.
*
* *
Fry, Baby
How to make your own American masterpiece. Try not
to screw it up.
Published July 9, 2008
The Madonna Five
Admit it, you love her too.
Published June 11, 2008
Letter: published June 18, 2008.
Civic Pride in Unlikely Places
A small victory in the fight against Clevelandism.
Published May 28, 2008
Letters: published June 11, 2008.
GoodFellas Redux
If you think mobsters are cool, you probably never
met any.
Published May 14, 2008
Do You Take This Man?
Because you can't bring him back, even with a
receipt.
Published April 23, 2008
Goats Do Roam
And Jelly Bellies are a menace.
Published April 2, 2008
Letter: published April 9, 2008.
Slummin'
My slumgullion vs. Hamburger Helper: whose cuisine reigns
supreme?
Published March 19, 2008
Beer by any Bloody Name
Sing a song of six packs.
Published March 5, 2008
Drinking Responsibly
I'm a slave to the most vile liquid concoction
ever.
Published February 20, 2008
Letters: published February 27, 2008 and March
5, 2008.
The Way You Move
Finding sexy in the most unexpected places.
Published February 6, 2008
Yeah, Right.
Advice for would-be scribes: they don't call it a
"submission" for nothing.
Published January 16, 2007
Ham-a-lot
Or, it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Published January 2, 2008
Lights for the Lawnmower.
If you knew my dad, it made sense.
Published December 19, 2007
Letters: published December 26, 2007 and January
9, 2008.
Broads with Balls
A not-so-comprehensive list.
Published December 5, 2007
Hit Me One More Time Baby
You thought your kid's Barney phase was bad?
Published November 21, 2007
HePorn, ShePorn, IPorn, YouPorn
That guy looks like--oh my god, I know him!
Published November 7, 2007.
Letter: published November 14, 2007
Get Your Freak On
Eyeballs and vampires and sluts oh my!
Published October 17, 2007.
Young and In Love and In Cleveland
Out of sight, but never out of mind.
Published October 3, 2007.
Wear it Well
An open letter to the person who stole my hat.
Published September 19, 2007.
Letters: published September 26, 2007 and October
3, 2007.
Corn Chowder to Swear By
She boiled the ears and saw that it was good.
Published September 5, 2007
Letter: published September 19, 2007.
The Car You Are
We are defined by the four-wheeled company we keep.
Published August 22, 2007.
Google Me
We are what we ask? I hope not.
Published August 8, 2007
Water and Steel, Concrete and Earth
The underside of Cleveland's past and present.
Published July 25, 2007
Letter: published August 22, 2007.
Sympathetic Vampire
Feeding on a summer evening.
Published July 11, 2007
Banner Yet Waves
Stretched and tear-stained, but still beautiful.
Published June 27, 2007
The Beer Test
Or, how to find the perfect husband in a can of
warm Stroh's.
Published June 13, 2007
Guys and Dolls
Who pays thousands for lifelike sex toys? You'd be
surprised.
Published May 30, 2007
Letters: published June 6, 2007; and July 18,
2007.
Infomercial: A Love Story
Yes, I have called in the next ten minutes. No, I
am not a size 4 yet.
Published May 9, 2007
Deflowering Barbie
The transformation from perfect to tawdry occurs
with shocking speed.
Published April 17, 2007
An Ohio Yankee in King Larry's Court
Heading to Mississippi to pay her last respects
Published April 4, 2007
Big Girl Shoes
The night gets deeper and hazier. Ankles get
wobbly. Straps get loose.
Published March 21, 2007
Kiss Me, I'm Irish
But not Catholic, and where I'm from, that's just
plain weird.
Published March 7, 2007
Letter: published March 14, 2007
Bridges
Human connections through concrete and metal.
Published February 21, 2007
Letter: published February 28, 2007
Ode to Trans Fat
The silent, delicious killer.
Published January 31, 2007
Girls Next Door No More
Playboy distorts (and enlarges and airbrushes)
reality.
Published January 24, 2007
Before the Court of Wikipedia
Why the people's encyclopedia ain't all it's
cracked up to be.
Published January 10, 2007
Letter: published January 31, 2007
Bad Airline Ticket Counter Guy
Say little, expect less.
Published December 27, 2006
Santasaurus Rex
Cutesy giants stalk the suburbs.
Published December 12, 2006
Letters: published January 3, 2007.
"In the Word" with the Salvation
Army Man
Sometimes, very briefly, faith can be contagious.
Published November 29, 2006
Righteous Hungarian Secret of Cucumbers
"Hey Sugar Baby? Whyontcha come on and gimme a
hand with these?"
Published November 8, 2006
Letters: published November 15, 2006.
Morning Shift
Will the sun ever come up? What if it does?
Published October 11, 2006
Letters: published October 18, 2006, November
1, 2006, and April 2, 2008.
An Open Letter to Mike Rowe
A challenge for the Discovery Channel's Dirty Jobs
host: the dirtiest job around.
Published September 27, 2006
*
* *
*
* *